It’s been one hell of a year. Ups and downs mark my first year as an expat. It’s not been glorious but it has been important for me to make this change. At the end of last year, I wrote about my ambitions for this year. They were simple. All I wanted to do was embrace life. And embrace life, I did. While change, inevitably entails all sorts of emotions, I learned that in order to become whole again, I need to stop being self destructive. I also realised, that I’m not alone in my self destructiveness. All of us do it, most of us do it daily.
We tell us we are not good enough, not beautiful enough, not smart enough, let the wrong people in our lives, hold onto memories we shouldn’t and all of those things keep us from enjoying life. It took me a while to accept that part of me is stuck in the past because of myself and I will be sharing a few things that I needed/need to stop doing in order to move on and maybe you’ll find yourself in some of those things, if not all of them. But I also realised the following:
“I am aware that I am less than some people prefer me to be, but most people are unaware that I am so much more than what they see.” ― Douglas Pagels
None of us are perfect but all of us are more than most other people see in us. More importantly, we are so much more than many of us see in ourselves. So here goes my list of things I (we) need(ed) to start doing and/or realise: (Holy moly, I confused myself with this sentence structure!)
Take care of #1
Loving others comes easy. It’s natural but learning to love yourself takes time and is more difficult. Too often we lose ourselves in the process of taking care of others but we have to realise that in order to be there for others, we need to be selfish and take care of ourselves first. Pamper yourself once in a while. Tell yourself you are deserving of the good things in your life. Let others take care of you every now and again, it won’t make you less of a person. If anything, it will make you a more complete one.
Happiness is up to us
For a very long time I looked for happiness in the completely wrong places, didn’t find it and blamed everyone but myself. I’m starting to realise that I need to let myself be happy, find happiness within me and then find and accept the happiness that others bring into my life.
Fall in love for the right reasons
Loneliness is everyone’s worst nightmare but falling in love (or pretending that you are in love) because you feel lonely, is wrong. It won’t make you happy in the long-run. If anything, it will end ugly. There’s no rush when it comes to love. You’ll find the person that completes you at the right time, in the right place and for the right reasons.
Stop thinking too much
This is rich coming from me because I’m the worst example when it comes to over-thinking things. I spin things out of proportion to the point that I get paranoid of what could be. It’s something I’m working on every day and sadly also something I haven’t mastered yet. But I’m trying. Let’s try together, shall we?
Be yourself, not someone else
If you are anything like me, you pretty much live in a bubble of self doubt. Others are prettier, smarter, wealthier, fitter, etc. But I came to realise that none of these people are me. I stopped pretending to be something or someone I’m not. The people who matter will like me anyway and the ones who would like me to be something else, are simply not worth my time.
Let go
Sometimes, the simplest things are the hardest. Letting go is so easily said but when it comes down to it, it’s one of the hardest things to do. We hold onto past romances, mistakes and memories but forget that holding on too tightly does us no good. We don’t live in the past, we live in the present. The past shaped us and made us the person we are today and for that we should be grateful. But that’s also where it should end. Treasure the memories, learn from the mistakes and be thankful for your past romances but don’t keep wishing to be back in the past because it stops us from living in the present. (Profound, right?)
Take the plunge
It’s so easy to chill out in our comfort zones but what good does it really do us? We are comfortable, sure, but do we try new things, meet new people, explore and discover? The answer to that is NO. I have ventured out of my comfort zone several times this year and while terrifying at the time, it’s well worth it because I experienced things that I never otherwise would have. Take the plunge sometimes. The results may surprise you.
Stop explaining yourself
Why do we waste so much time explaining why we do what we do to others? It feels right for us so why does it require explaining? This is a tough one but as someone once rightly said: your friends won’t need an explanation and your enemies won’t believe it anyway. (I don’t actually know who said that but I’m sure someone did.)
Picture by mae.noelle
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It's good that you mention being more selfish, I personally believe too many people are too focused on "helping others", while the truth is that sometimes we should be less hypocrite and admit the one we really should help is ourselves.
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