L.I.V.E

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First I wanted to write a post on the last day of 2010. You know, the special kind. But then I decided against it because I didn’t want to emphasise on the end of one year but much rather highlight the beginning of a new one. I also didn’t want to write one of those posts in which I get my knickers in a twist and elaborate on the things that I’m determined to change in the new year. My track record of those isn’t the best. Well, if I’m being totally honest, it sucks big time. I’m not sure if it comes down to willpower or general ignorance but nothing I say I’ll change on the 31st ever changes.

Obviously, it could also be down to the fact that NYE usually involves the consumption of the liquid courage called alcohol. And you know how that goes. You eat, drink and drink some more and before you know it the night before is not so much a blur but rather a general reflection of the things you shouldn’t be doing and you are determined to change. So, in short, screw that.

That being said, there’s one thing I’m more than determined to do this year. One thing that I’ve fallen short of doing the last year.

L.I.V.E

It sounds more dramatic than it really is. Or maybe not. I’m not sure. However, 2010 wasn’t my best year. Sure, I graduated from uni and I started to slowly build a name for myself in the online world. I also have the most amazing family and some pretty amazing friends. And in order for you to understand how truly grateful I am, especially for the latter, I’d have to write a lot. Like a ton. Really. I mean that.

But besides that, the year 2010 consisted of a lot of lows. Very low lows. In retrospect I don’t know if that’s a good thing. I tend to say yes because it made me realize that I’m a much stronger person than I ever thought I could be. For that I’m grateful. The thing I regret the most however, is that those lows made some fears of mine very apparent. Too real. So real that I they paralyzed me and stopped me from living. The funny, life loving Antonia was gone. She disappeared for a while and I’m only slowly getting her back. I am only now starting to find my way back and the closer I get the more I realize that I’ve been stupid. I’ve stopped living and started to function. One year of functioning is behind me. Not living, functioning.

And that stopped at 12 AM today. I am now living, again. And that means I will:

• … laugh, cry, love, hurt, miss and curse. All of it. I refuse to limit emotions to the bad ones.
• … enjoy my family. My friends. The new city I’m about to move to.
• … LOVE the job I’m hopefully going to get soon and work my butt off.
• … grow this blog. Redesign this blog. I just so mention it because it is my baby and it often saves me from insanity.
• … travel.
• … let people close (emotionally!) even though I know I might get hurt.
• … spend time figuring out who I really am.
• … fill this year with amazing memories and don’t replace them with bad ones.

In short, I’ll kick some ass. Major ass. I am going to L.I.V.E.

I hope all of you have an amazing new year. I hope all of you and many more will continue to come back to this blog and consider it a place they like to spend 10 minutes or more of their day. Ok, the last three were selfish. What I really meant to say is thank you and all the best for the new year. Kick some ass with me, would you? :)

(Image via Creative Commons)

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